A cat and crème brulee

[SlideDeck id=’187′ width=’100%’ height=’300px’] My husband, Adam, went away for a week to a work conference, and when he came home, I stood blocking the front door. I sniffed him up and down, along with our dogs. I couldn’t help myself. He carried so many aromas!

The milky sweet smell of creme brulee eminates from the oddest parts of the body.

    The most glaring odor was garlic. It was coming from everywhere, even his hair. Worse, it was the pre-chopped-in-rancid-soybean-oil kind of garlic that commercial kitchens use in overpriced banquet food. It was stuck his pores reeking out like a dead rat somewhere behind the sink.
    Around his neck, I detected corn-fed chicken. It smells sweet in a feathery, poopie-water way. Poor birds, never had a life that resembled anything natural. Cheap, industrial chicken just reeks of sadness.

    Around his shoulder, I sniffed cat. It was the unmistakable reek of fur licked by a tongue coated with canned tuna. Adam’s eyes widened when I detected this particular aroma.

    “Really?! You can smell that?” Turns out Adam held a cat for a few minutes at a friend’s house two days before.

    “Yep, you can’t cheat on my nose, not even with a cat.” I said. He laughed.

    I moved down, sniffing around his chest. I honed in on burnt, sugary milk emanating from his nipples.

    “Crème brulee!” I shouted.

    “Oh my god, you’re kidding, right? How can you smell that?” Adam confessed to eating creme brulee for desert several nights in a row. We don’t eat much desert in our house, except baked apples or chocolate-covered almonds. Still, he loves the crunchy, sugary varnish on a nice brulee, followed by the sweet creamy pudding.

    I giggled out loud when it struck me as odd that men have nipples and odder still that milk aromas would channel to a man’s nipple. Do men have mammary glands? Turns out that, yes, they do albeit usually in rudimentary form. But male lactation is a know phenomenon (Scientific American, 2007)

    This whole episode makes me wonder if our dogs, Mishu and Poky, feel the same about us every time we come home coated in odors. I suspect that they really do know when I’ve pet neighbor dogs, or cats, and more importantly, they know which and where they live.

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  1. I was wondering when the creme brulee nipples would make their appearance! Can’t wait to hear what you smell next…

  2. Good thing we know Adam would never cheat on you. Imagine how quickly he would be caught.

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